shade of jade

I have had 3 jade plants and they all died. Two were given by one x-girlfriend and when we split, so did the stem of the plant. The third was given as a gift from another old lover gal, and as our relationship deteriorated, so did the integrity of the insides of the plant and it rotted from the inside out. What the fuck? It is the only plant I do not want someone to get me. It seems to be telepathic of its own symbolism.

Sometimes I try and act cool like I've seen it all before and I'm just too cool, but I am giddy as a childlike yard gnomb - when everyone is sleeping - on the inside when I see my name, picture, band, song etc in print. When I'm outta town, I pick up the local indie print and scan for the show that night my band is playing, but I'm at the bar acting all cool, but I'm smiling all big and getting excited cause it has a star next to the show so that means it's good. I really love that, I love that feeling. I never save that stuff cause I'm too cool - like I said before, but I always look. I know there's places I go and people I hang out with, they think it's not cool to be happy about the things that make you really excited. And I'm not one to brag, I'm a modest dude, so I just try and keep that to myself with a big old smile. And sometimes folks ask "why are you smiling?" and knowing where the cool line is and avoiding crossing it, I can just say "I'm really excited," "I'm having a good day," "I'm in a really good mood."
I don't know when it ends, but I know I'm just along for the ride. I put energy into things that I love to do, and there is a pretty clear ratio. I keep my mind childlike for experiences, and that keeps me from becoming jaded - like them plants up there.


I only got a few blogs left and then I'll be done for awhile ...say 2.