Rocktopus review of Iron Man 2

I'm the type of thing that likes to escape the hardships of my day by picking up a novel or comic book, and sinking my mind into a fictional land. A place of wonder where the imagination is set free and anything can happen- unlike this world that you and I live in. Where you enter a place and meet characters that simply aren't real - They don't exist. They are fictional. They are not living breathing creatures like you or I with complex lives, and mundane duties, and jobs, and nagging mer-wifes, and cave mortgages, and duck-bill collectors, and too much traffic on the northern turn pike, and crime and non-indigenous blood sucking parasites. It's too much sometimes and you just got to get away. I enjoy paging through a lamented comic book and just getting away from this harsh reality that we all live in, you, and I, the Rocktopus. That is why I anticipated the release of the early summer blockbuster, Iron Man 2 - a sequel to Iron Man apparently.
Robert Downey Jr starfishes as Tony Stork, a wealthy entrepreneur who is as tech savvy as he is smooth with the human land dwelling females. The casting on this role is perfect like a professional angler, Floundy Jr nails Stork in his fast paced life and dialogue. Then the movie introduces it's villain played by Muskie Rourke. Rourke is a natural selection for a bad guy, he is like a coelacanth, ugly, old, stinky, has these dumb gray things coming out of his head, and is making a comeback in his career when folks said he was extinct. His character however is very poor. The writing does little to explain his motivation for being a bad guy. Why does he hate Iron Man? There was some dumb reason, but it didn't add up. He is a former Siberian inmate with tattoos all over his body, gold inlays on all his anterior teeth, and all around goon, or thug. The best potential he should achieve is head crony to the boss, or loan shark. But wait! He is a genius! He can also build an arch reactor and does. And this seems to be the modern day equivalent of splitting the atom, it introduces forms of energy previously un imaginable. So what does he decide to do with that awesome power? Make a super flying weapon that can reach the stars and the depths of the sea? How about just a gun? no? Well at least a sword that shoots laser beams right? Nope. Whips. You really are dumb after all? Did your dad help you with this science project Muskie? I give you an F for not showing your work. seriously, Whips? Why not a power up a big rock and just throw it? Was the arch reactor catapult too expensive to build on your budget of....wait, where did you get the money to build this shit anyway when you can't afford a loaf of bread? Better go with whips then, they are the cheapest arch reactor weapon I guess.
The thing that bugs me the most, being a Rocktopus with tentacles is the lack of dexterity in his whipping. Now if they would have consulted with any creature that has whip like appendages, we could have explained how to use them as a source of locomotion and improved upon his attempts to flail this archaic weapon in a more effective way.
The villain ruined this movie for me. That is not a villain, this is a villain.

There is a lot of funny one liners, flashing fight scenes, in your face patriotism, and sexy gadgets and outfits. But overall the picture was weak.
I give it 4 out of 8 tentacles, but recommend that if you see it, you see it on the silver screen.
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